We have just finished up our “Kingdom of God vs. Kingdom of Heaven” theme VBS. We had a blessed week, with 7 professions of faith in Christ. In reflection of the hectic happenings, we offer this comedic look into the trials of wing a VBS volunteer.
It’s a silent assassin…
It creeps in virtually unnoticed during the first few quiet days after Vacation Bible School…
It is no respecter of persons…
It has no cure…
It is: PTVBS
D, Post-Traumatic Vacation Bible School Disorder. And it’s coming for YOU.
Symptoms of PTVBSD usually begin surfacing when volunteers are peaceful or alone for extended periods of time. They will say something like, “I’d like to find a quiet place to think,” and then disappear. DO NOT LEAVE VBS VOLUNTEERS ALONE. Invite noisy neighbor kids inside, or babysit several children from your church to combat noiselessness and to increase volume to a healthy decibel level. If neither of these options are available to you, you should tune an AM radio in between stations at max volume. This will prevent PTVBSD from overcoming an unsuspecting worker.
Other symptoms may include:
Experiencing sudden urges in crowded public places to tell random children to “sit down, sit down, SIT DOWN.”
Choosing to settle disputes with your spouse via swordfight.
Waking in the middle of the night to yell, “PRAISE YE THE LORD!” (And expecting someone to yell, “HALLELUJAH.”
Nervousness when passing the squirt gun/water balloon aisle in the dollar store.
Fixing things around the house with a hot glue gun and popsicle sticks.
Dressing up like a spartan warrior… and enjoying it.
If you, or someone you know has been demonstrating these signs, seek help immediately. Some treatments to help soothe the severe and often disturbing symptoms that have proven very effective are:
Burning little pieces of cardboard very slooooooowly,
Turning your tithes and offerings into pennies,
Singing louder than your competition across the aisle in church, and finally,
Volunteering for VBS next year!
Thank you volunteers, you bring a smile to my face, I hope I can bring one to you also.